by Judith Karbal
Steven Covey’s very popular book entitled, Seven Habits of Highly Successful People, outlines the healthy and do-able patterns that can enhance our lives. He details, with practical advice, several areas of activity: personal leadership, personal vision, personal management, interpersonal leadership, communication, cooperation and self-renewal. By the time the reader has finished the book, he has a good idea of what constitutes “success.”Habits of Highly Stressed and Anxious People
Having counseled people for almost two decades, I have come up with a “profile” of the habits and patterns I usually find present in “highly stressed and anxious” clients. Hopefully, when you are able to identify the areas of difficulty, it may prove to be a useful and practical step in the direction of lasting success at overcoming stress and anxiety.Ask yourself – do you experience any of the following?
1)UNHEALTHY GUILT AND SHAME
We all have made mistakes and suffered through the resulting shame and humiliation. That is part of being human, but we do not need to feel stressed and anxious about every mistake in life. What holds us in that pattern is not being able to distinguish between healthy guilt and unhealthy guilt. If there is true intent to hurt – then one SHOULD feel guilty. However, if there was no INTENT – there need not be guilt. Intent is the determining factor of whether you should feel guilty.2)INABILITY TO SEPARATE FEELINGS FROM FACTS
The initial response to frustration, irritation and disappointment, is in the area of feelings (and initial thoughts). Again, that is what makes us human, not robots, but that doesn’t mean it has to cause excessive anxiety, worry, and stress. It is only through accepting our feelings and initial thoughts that we can move to a safer place of healthy thought, speech, and action.For example – if you are afraid of dogs – and you are out for a walk and suddenly encounter a dog, your first response (in both feeling and thought) will be one of danger. You might feel anxious, panicky, or stressed. You have NO CONTROL over that initial response. However, when you exercise your ability to distinguish between the initial response and the more focused second response, you will be able to handle the situation with greater confidence and less anxiety.
3)THOUGHT IS STRONGER THAN ACTION
We often substitute thought for action. The example of sitting in a rocking chair, thinking you’re going someplace, fits perfectly. You think you’re moving but you’re not. And yet, that’s exactly what procrastination and obsessive thinking is all about – getting stuck in the thought. The greatest antidote for depression, anxiety or obsessions is ACTION. Acting is the best way to relieve and overcome your depression, anxiety, panic, and obsessions. The ACTION could be any physical act that would distract you at that moment. Walking, reading, washing the dishes, or even listening to a relaxing tape – will help you break the pattern of allowing the initial negativity to prevail.4)NOT BEING IN THE PRESENT MOMENT
We have three choices – at any given moment – as to where our attention is focused – past, present or future. Thinking about the past will usually bring shame, guilt, resentment and sadness. Thinking about the future will bring about anxious feelings. Only by being in the present moment – breathing deeply – being realistic – and solution oriented – can we experience the gift of the present without anxiety, guilt, fear, and depression. (Present = gift)5)VANITY OF KNOWING
When you are having difficulty, you often will feel that you are the only one who suffers from anxiety and depression. You may think the feelings will last forever; that you are somehow defective, a “lost cause.” All these false beliefs are just that – false. There is a humility that comes from understanding you are not alone. You are not unique in your anxiety and depression. And there IS help out there.6)NO PLAN
Recovery from emotional stress is analogous to recovery from physical problems. You’ve got to have a plan. No exercise or diet will work without that. Likewise when you are trying to shed the “emotional weight” of anxious and depressive feelings, you need a tried and proven plan of action. A competent guide, a professional trainer, a program or plan like The Midwest Center's Attacking Anxiety & Depression Program will help you SIFT through the steps required for success.7)UNWILLINGNESS TO TRY SOMETHING NEW
Every step in life requires some effort, a willingness to risk change. That something new might be an action as simple as walking outside for five minutes, eating a different food, parking your car in a different spot, or using your non-dominant hand for a few hours. Any change can signal your brain that there is movement! This is a key task in overcoming anxiety and depression.Notice that the main word in this article is HABITS. And that’s the GOOD NEWS! Habits that are learned can be un-learned. It takes some time and persistence, but as “creatures of habit” we are also imbued with the power to be curious, to grow, to develop ourselves and to work towards a healthier existence that isn’t limited by fear and sadness. We have the power to help ourselves and a good complement to the desire and willingness to help ourselves is a program like the Attacking Anxiety & Depression Program. This program helps victims of stress develop a plan to assist with their stress management & relief.
